Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
