How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
