Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
