Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
