you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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