Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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