is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
