How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
