i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
