I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
