I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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