i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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