just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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