i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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