Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
