The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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