Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
