Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
