I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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