Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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