having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
