i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
