my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
