you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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