Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
