Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
