It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
