so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
