Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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