I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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