dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
