her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
