I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
