Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
