Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
