it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
