Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
