Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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