pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
