Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
