we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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