found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
