yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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