i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
