i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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