oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
