WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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