I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
