I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
