apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
