How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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